Clinical Trial- My deeply personal analysis

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING If you haven’t played Clinical Trial yet, I strongly encourage you to experience it firsthand before reading this. You can play the game for free here. Please read the game’s trigger warnings in the itch.io page description before playing.

Also, this is going to be long. Buckle up, get yourself a snack or something because this game changed me and I am going to spill my guts about it now.

My personal reflection:

There are certain works of art, whether games, films, or books, that resonate on such a deep and personal level that they feel like a mirror, showing you a side of yourself you’ve hidden or misunderstood for so long. Clinical Trial is one of those works for me. It’s not just a game, it’s like an emotional journey that taps into the deepest parts of my mind, particularly as someone who has lived through trauma and isolation. In many ways, the game reflects my own experiences, and in others, it exposes the uncomfortable aspects that I’ve long kept buried.

I deeply relate to Angel. As a survivor of sexual assault, the emotional and psychological toll that comes with trauma is something I know all too well. The way Angel describes their internal struggles, the confusion, the isolation, and the eventual breaking point, mirrors my own journey of processing and surviving my own experiences. The scene where Angel talks about freezing in the moment, about not knowing what to do but just letting it happen, cuts so deep. I’ve been there. I’ve felt that helplessness, that sense of being trapped in a situation that feels both unreal and overwhelming.

The shame, too… the way Angel tries to rationalize their actions, dismissing their feelings because they were “dense” or “not aware enough”… hits home for me. It’s the same stupid narrative I have struggled with after my own experiences, where I often tell myself I should have known better, should have acted differently, shoudve just fought harder. Angel’s struggle with their own emotions and guilt, and the fear of not being believed if they spoke out, is a painful reflection of my own story as a survivor.

But it’s not just Angel I relate to, it’s Lee, as well!!! His social awkwardness, his autistic tendencies, his loneliness, these are all things I see in myself. I’ve always felt like an outsider, struggling to connect with people, and I see so much of that in Lee. His desire for connection with Angel, his deep-seated loneliness, and his inability to navigate the social dynamics around everything felt so painfully real to me. As someone who has always been socially awkward, I understand Lee’s need for validation, his hope that Angel might see him as more than just a doctor, but as someone worth loving. And his inability to express his emotions in a way that doesn’t seem creepy or obsessive, that’s something I’ve felt too, the fear of coming across as too much or too weird, even when all I want is to connect.

Lee’s desperate, obsessive love for Angel, the way he tests the medication to see if Angel is on the placebo, is another part of the game that HITS SO HARD. There’s a sense of powerlessness in wanting to help someone so badly, yet not knowing how. I’ve been in that same fucking situation where I’ve tried to give everything to someone, hoping they’d get better or find peace, even if it meant sacrificing my own well-being. Lee’s actions, no matter how disturbing, stem from his yearning for connection, for understanding, for someone to share his life with. It’s the kind of love that feels almost suffocating at times but is rooted in deep, painful loneliness. Its raw emotion and it is so real.

The game’s commentary on the medical system is another part of the experience that felt incredibly real. Angel is in such a desperate position, they’re too poor to afford insurance, struggling with mental health, and need the $1000 for the trial. And even when they are in such a fragile state, they still push forward, agreeing to participate in the trial because they have no other choice. This resonates so much with my own experiences navigating fucked up systems that are supposed to help, but instead, often leave people like me feeling powerless, unseen, and unheard. The fact that Lee, in his own misguided way, cares so much about Angel that he tests the medication to see if they got the placebo is such a heartbreaking commentary on the lengths people will go to when they want to help but are forced to operate within a broken system.

The art style in Clinical Trial is something that took me by surprise and drew me in immediately. I have always had a love for pixel art, and the unique style here captures so much emotion and atmosphere. The simplicity of the designs is charming, yet it allows for such emotional depth in the characters’ expressions. The way Angel’s bedroom deteriorates over time after their assault is such a small detail, but it hit me so hard. Watching Angel’s environment reflect their internal decay was relatable, and it brought a level of realism to the story that made the trauma feel even more tangible.

ALSO the balcony scene, in particular, has my whole heart. It’s a moment of fragile honesty between Angel and Lee, where both characters are finally able to admit their vulnerabilities to each other. The dialogue in that scene, the way it feels like a raw, quiet confession, is something I can’t stop thinking about. It’s a pivotal moment that encapsulates the complicated emotions both characters are feeling, love, fear, loneliness, and the desperate hope that someone might finally understand them.

Another one of my favorite features of Clinical Trial is how it integrates phones into the gameplay. I’ve always been fascinated by games that incorporate phones as part of the story or as a means to save/load. The phone in this game is not just a functional item it serves as a window into the world, providing details about the characters’ lives, their thoughts, and the state of the world around them. I also saw this in the game VA-11 Hall-A and would love to put something like this in some of my writing eventually. I love the touch of seeing Angel’s DeviantArt page. It’s such a sweet detail that adds depth to Angel’s character, and again, is super relatable to me as well.

As someone who loves trans representation, I was so happy to see Angel referenced as transmasc in the game. The small but significant detail of Angel’s ID being cut off and the stupid insensitive coworker deadnaming them felt so real. As a trans person, I’ve experienced the sting of being misgendered and deadnamed in ways that are often overlooked or dismissed. Seeing this kind of representation in a game, where Angel’s identity is an intrinsic part of their story, is incredibly meaningful. I also headcanon Lee as transmasc, though it’s not explicitly stated in the game just something I feel adds to his complexity as a character, (and maybe perhaps even makes me relate to him more.)

I can’t even express how deeply I felt playing through this. Clinical Trial is a masterpiece—terrifying, beautiful, and raw. It’s one of those rare games that isn’t afraid to explore the depths of human complexity and trauma. I hope everyone who plays it sees the humanity in both Angel and Lee, the depths of their struggles, and the way they are both simultaneously victims of circumstance and perpetrators of their own actions.

If you’ve made it this far in this post, thank you for sticking with me through all the rambling and emotional intensity. Clinical Trial is something I’ll never forget. It’s changed the way I view myself, the way I think about relationships, and the way I process trauma. If you haven’t played it yet, I can’t recommend it enough. But please, take care of yourself while doing so. This game is not for the faint of heart.