Today has been fucking miserable!!! I think I need a break.
I had an insanely busy weekend, starting on Friday I had a job interview during the day, which was followed quickly by my CAIN ttrpg game. The game went over schedule about 30 minutes since we were quite close to finishing the case and killing the last sin. One of our other players (Eddie) died, but was able to refuse death at the cost of his limbs being normal, and other unknown mysterious costs not directly given. I was super tired cause we ran late and went to bed soon after.
The next day my boyfriend picked me up and we went to an oddities convention together. It was really fun and interesting, lots of cool art, taxidermy, and more. I met some of their other friends and their sister’s friends at the same time, we walked around a lot and I ended up staying the night at their house with my girlfriend after we went to dinner together. We all got to spend the night together and it was nice. But at that point I was already so freaking exhausted, with having to be in a really busy convention and meeting so many new people I wanted to be doneeeeeeee.
Unfortunately for me, I had already agreed to doing a one-shot D&D session with my boyfriend’s, and their sister’s friends that we met with at the convention, on the next day (with my girlfriend as the DM). So I woke up, and was shoved directly into another day absolutely chalked full of social activities I was NOT ready for at all. (Hence the incessant weed usage all weekend to make me disassociate and feel less stressed)
I ended up leaving boyfriend’s house at like 4:30pm after the one-shot and I just took an edible when I got home and went to bed pretty early. Only to be woken up at 11:45pm by a fire alarm going off in my building. Some wonderful resident was cooking when everyone else was sleeping, and actually ended up setting a fire. I don’t think the fire got out of their room, but I was just so done because I was rudely awaken by the fire alarm when I was sleeping. I did not sleep well for the rest of the rest of the night.
Cue to me now on Monday, who just needs a fucking break!!
I thought I would do a past, present, future tarot card reading to help process my feelings and the energy around them.
Past
What energy is behind me now?
- Reversed Knight of Swords
- The upright Knight of Swords means fast movement, ambition, and charging ahead into confrontation or drama. When reversed, it often points to a sense of being burnt out, reckless, or acting without foresight.
- I agree that I pushed myself to burning out last weekend, with committing to too many social interactions in such a short amount of time. It suggests the past few days were marked by a lack of thoughtful rest and maybe even a slight rush of adrenaline and anxiety. Its presence as the past card means this energy is behind me, the time of reckless charging is hopefully coming to an end.
Present
What is the energy of my current situation?
- The Magician
- The Magician is the ultimate manifester. They have all the tools they need (Wands, Cups, Swords, Pentacles) and the ability to use them to shape their reality.
- Despite my exhaustion, this card is telling me that I have the power to change my situation now. The magician represents a call to take deliberate, focused action to manifest rest, peace, and recovery.
Future
What influence is ahead of me?
- Strength
- The Strength card is not about brute physical force, but about courage, patience, compassion, and inner fortitude. It depicts a person gently but firmly mastering their inner, wild nature (the lion) through love and calm, rather than domination.
- This suggests that in the future, I will learn to approach my own need for rest with patience and self-compassion, gently guiding myself toward balance rather than forcing through things (as the Reversed Knight did).
Interaction of the cards
As directionality goes, the reversed knight of swords seems to be charging into the magician, meaning to me that my past (yesterdays overexertion) led to my realization that I have all the tools necessary to fix my problems, although I should do so gently and with self-compassion (strength card).
The message for me overall today is clear: The power to stop, rest, and recover is entirely in my hands (The Magician). The influence of Strength is telling me that if I take this action now, I will move into a time where you feel more balanced, grounded, and resilient.
Am I just using this as an exuse to skip class? Maybe. But maybe that’s just what I need today as well. Either way, the universe seemed to guide me here~